cryin' for nothin' / cryin' for no one / no one but you..

WoW, I've really been neglecting this thing..
I figured since I can't sleep, now would be the perfect time to write something (if I'm lucky perhaps it will even have some whit and humour)

~~August 13, 2007~~
4 days till surgery, and as that day draws closer, I can feel the stress building. I honestly haven't has a good night sleep in over a week. Every time I try, the idea of it pops into my little brain, and I'm done. I've been making myself sick over it :s :literally:
I've never been more scared of anything in my whole life.

Everyone keeps telling me that it will go smoothly, and that everything will be fine, I will feel a lot better yadda yadda.. UMM HELLO, you're not the one's going in on Friday at 12:45 pm to be stuck with an I.V. knocked out, and have pieces of you cut out!!

For those who don't know me, I'm generally a strong person, I can take a lot of shit.. but when it comes to this, Ill be the first to admit I'm a PUSS
(Trust me, I'm not proud of the fact that I can't take a needle in the arm, without passing out, or like in my most recent blood work endeavor that included vomiting :s but I think it adds a little bit of character to the person that is Ash)
I don't handle it well, when I'm told to sign forms that will allow for blood transfusions, and organ donation.. "not that they're planning on that, but 'just in case'"

Strangely I feel like I don't have the proper support I should have...
From one person in particular, (you know who you are, not that you'll ever read this, so it doesn't matter) You've let me down more times then I care to count and yet, I still keep comin' back for you to deal out more of you're cruel punishment. I suppose most people would call me stupid, I like to think of it as 'optimistic' but even I'm starting to doubt that.

This summer has pretty much been the shittiest one I've ever had to survive through.. so much for that Psychic telling me I was gonna have a good year.. where the hell is the good?!?
It's been full of swollen tonsils, work, and blah. -Ok, I'll give it some happy times, that always seem to end with a broken heart though.. so that doesn't really count in my opinion.

I feel a little more relaxed now that I've half typed my little heart out. I think perhaps I should try to sleep, considering I have to work in the a.m.

P.S. Happy Birthday to Miss Candace (yesterday)
even though I didn't get to see you, which made me sad.. but I hope you had a great weekend

"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember"
-Oscar Levant