my life with you means everything, so i won't give up that easily

Well, Candace... looks like you don't have to worry about me being stranded or 'worse' Thursday isn't happening.

I just talked to Sean, he messaged me before he left for work at 8:30am and then he called me when he got home at 1:00am, and he said that he's going to be working like that for the rest of the week.

I made an ass of myself, and started crying.. and made him feel so bad. Then I felt worse for making him feel bad at all. I mean here he is after just working a what... 16 hour day and he's on the phone with me apologizing because he couldn't get out of work on Thursday and telling me that he never wants to make me cry.

Honestly, why do I do this to myself.. I'm so dumb. I don't even know why I'm writing this.. I just have to get it out. You're pretty much the only one that reads it, he reads it occasionally but..

Here is this boy who I've never met, just talk to several times a day and I am so completely crazy about him lol. He makes me feel something that I've NEVER felt before... ever. In the time that I've known him, I've pushed 2 people away.. I didn't even tell anyone about them because it didn't seem to matter and to me they will never compare to him. And you don't even know this... but I'm in the process of pushing a third one away, cuz he's not Sean.. and it's not the same. Does that make any sense to you? I gotta admit, I'm starting to wonder a little bit.

And the fact that the Psychic told me that I was gonna marry someone who lived in Toronto, [and she made sure to point out that it was Rural Toronto, not Downtown..] who was very career oriented makes it even harder.

Like I seriously don't know what to think.. sometimes I think it might be easier to just give up, but I honestly don't think I would ever be able to do that. The one thing I do know is that no one will ever make me as happy as he does and anyone else will always be 'second prize'

-Ash

- ..Been far away for far to long, I keep dreamin' you'll be with me and you'll never go -