Confessions: Summer '06 Recap..

Ok, this is probably going to be a long one.. but I am gonna cheat a little. A lot of this might have been cut and pasted from something that I've previously written. But it's all "Hotel Gold" if you will.. so bare with me, it has to be included! ..In other words, read it and like it! haha kidding!

Let me just 'set the mood'
I work the grave yard shift at a Comfort Inn [I'm not gonna say where.. God knows I don't need anymore psychos around here!] But it's kind of in the middle of no where.. in a quaint little hick town. I've been working there since January.. and trust me, that's to damn long! I think I need out! I work for a man who is the cheapest son of a bitch in the history of cheapness, and I work with a bunch of people that loove to vent on me about how much they hate all of the other staff members. Even my manager has a habit of telling me how much the staff pisses her off. I was told that it's cuz I'm such a sweet and kind person [that comment totally made my night!] But I'm a little scared to find out what they say about me when I'm not around..
[And just to clarify.. as tempting as it might be, I won't use names and such.. just so I don't get hunted down, and beaten' haha]

The Regulars:..
We have a few people that stay here on a regular basis. "Nova Scotia" who is the sweetest man I have ever met. He's the type of person who will go out of his way to do something nice for someone. It's always a joy to talk to him.

"Mr. Room 108" This man I hate with every fiber of my being! He's here once a week, for about 5 days, his company pays for his room, and yet he still feels the need to bitch about every little thing! Heaven forbid if we ever rent out "his room" he stomps around and throws a fit like a little two year old. He's just the type of person that I want to stab in their sleep.. *choke on your morning tea* haha

The Construction Boys. They go from one end of the scale to the other.. some of them are strange as hell, and others are so awesome! The one who always used to come out in the morning, and sing about what he was going to eat for breakfast *priceless* I never knew you could make a song about bagels with cream cheese until I met that man. He was a riot! The guy that kinda looked like Marco Materazzi, the Italian soccer [football] player.. haha. I kinda wanted to see him get head-butted in the chest.. but he was a nice man. And of course I can't forget the one who had the balls to stand up to my Mr. Boss-Man. He is my HERO! Anyone that can flip out and tell a man that he treats his employees and guests like shiit, and then go out and get completely wasted with his buddies is alright by me. Props to you nice eyes! :)

The Creepy Phone People:..
About a week ago I got this phone call from this guy, looking for one of our guests. I answered the phone as I usually do "Thank You for calling Comfort Inn ********, Ashley speaking" Then I get this old dude on the other end "You have such a beautiful voice! That's such a nice thing to wake up to. Would you mind if I called back just to hear it again?" YES! I WOULD MIND! Talk to whom ever you need to talk to, and then leave me alone! Needless to say.. that Effer called back twice. *Yikes*

He wasn't half as creepy as the guy that called me every night for about two weeks.. making all these phony reservations however. He had three different names, as well as phone numbers, and addresses.. but I could always tell it was him. He had this raspy creepy voice that honestly made me want to cry. He would do whatever he could to keep me on the phone as long as he could, and it always sounded like he was doing something 'bad' while listening to me talk [but lets not relive that one *shudder*] Then he would tell me about all his problems, how he hates his wife, how his marriage was a sham, and getting married was the dumbest thing he's ever done. Then he went on to tell me about how my voice sounded young, and how he really liked young girls. YEAH! IT WAS THE CREEPIEST THING EVER! Thank god he finally stopped calling me. Probably because I introduced him to "Bitch Ash" on the phone.. they don't pay me enough to be sweet and pleasant with effin' weirdos!

Drunken' Weirdos, Sex Fiends, and Whiny Bitches:..
Loots of them at the Comfort Inn! I get lots of guys that are old enough to be my dad, that like to try to pick me up.. yeah, so not cool! I get the classic lines [if you can call them classic..] "I've got alcohol in my room, wanna come party?" .. "You've got really pretty eyes, want to come up to my room?" .. I get the ones that are straight to the point, and think they're soo smooth when they come out with "Hey, wanna go make out?" Oh, and I think my most favourite "Do you have a boyfriend? Oh you do.. Well I probably make more money then him, so can I buy you dinner?" No matter how many times I hear it, or any of that shit for that matter, it makes me want to gag. Sure, I'd love to go for dinner, and get loaded with a complete stranger who's older then my dad.. RIGHT AFTER I SWALLOW THIS RAT POISON! But thanks for comin' out!

One guy that comes in here on a some what regular basis.. I shall call him "Mr. Sex" lol because everytime he's here, it's with a different girl. And every time he's here.. ohh boy do they make some noise! I could hear them all the way down the hall, with the lobby door closed! I was really surprised that I didn't get any noise complaints over that one! Every time he comes in when I'm working he gets all excited that I remember who he is, and I kinda feel like telling him "dude, if you knew why I remember you.. I don't think you'd be as excited" You greasy man whore you! Try not to damage the furniture or anything ok Tiger ;)

"The Porno Guy" I actually felt bad for this guy. He calls up to the front desk on night.. really late, and I can tell by his voice that he's super embarrassed. But he asks me if we have any "movies" that he was buy. I felt bad that I had to tell him no, due to the fact that I work for a cheap cheap man. He was disappointed.. so then he asked about our "internet situation" I told him that we have free wireless internet if he has a lap top. He did not.. He called back about 10 minutes later asking about the computer in the lobby, and if I minded if he came out to use it.. I told him to do what he had to do lol. He said that he might come out.. and hung up the phone. About 20 minutes later he came out, asked for some change [his hand was shaking as I gave it to him.. he was all shy and stuff lol] and he was all like are you sure you won't mind, you're not gonna think I'm some kind of perv are you? I said no.. so he put in his money, only to find out that all "the good shit" had been blocked out. So he took the rest of his change, bought a pop, and went back to his room. I honestly felt bad for this guy! He was 'frustrated' and he just wanted some way to release that frustration :(

Ahh, the crazzy whiny lady that I wanted to maim. She checked in late, went down to her room.. same old, same old. About 5 minutes later she called up to the front desk complaining that her bed wasn't made very well, and that the sheets looked like they had been slept in. Now I completely understand her complaining for this, me being like the germ queen haha there's no way in hell I'd wanna sleep in a bed that didn't look right. So, I told her that I could put her in a different room.. but it would have to be a non-smoking room. Well, she lost it! She didn't want to move, because she wanted to have a ciggy before she went to bed.. and it was to much of a hassle for her.. but she wasn't at all impressed with the hotel or the fact that her room was 'dirty' Umm, sorry darlin' there's only so much I can do for you.. and if you call up and bitch to me, but you're not going to take my suggestion.. DON'T BITCH! Honestly, do people really need to smoke that bad that they are willing to sleep in a bad that is suspect of being slept in?!

As well as all the other whiny people that get all upset because we don't have an elevator. THE HOTEL IS TWO FLOORS! THERE'S LIKE 15 STEPS! [I counted them one night after yet another person complained about having to use their legs] To all you people, get a life! Exercise is good for you, unless you want to drop dead at the age of 30..

Random Comfort Inn Hijinks:..
The gorgeous Military Guy! Who called and asked for a cot for his room.. then when I delivered it, he opened the door in nothing but a teeny little hotel towel. *drool* Just picture it! He's a big military boy, covered by nothing more then a piece of cloth.. and there's me, staring.. possibly drooling, trying to give him his cot, and him trying to pull it into the room without his little towel falling off. Wow! Definitely no complaining on my part about that day!

The Inflate-A-Date! Thems were some good times when one of the house keepers found that bad boy.. well bad girl. Haha, complete with fish nets and the whole skank ensemble! I will never forget that day, she brings out this latex lady [with gloves on!] And says to me "Do you think anyone is going to have the balls to come back and claim this?" Sadly.. no one did, which is a real shame.. cuz I really wanted to laugh at them! **SO, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, AND YOU LEFT YOUR "BITCH" AT THE COMFORT INN.. PLEASE COME GET HER! SHE'S LONELY!** Thanks! haha

The vacuum cleaner sales men, aka "The Muffin Boys" They were very cute lol, and they never seemed to sleep. They would come out to the lobby at all hours of the night for coffee, juice, and MUFFINS. I swear, they must have eaten like 20 muffins a day. We'd have a quick conversation, and then they'd go back down to their room to play playstation, and whatever else they did while they weren't selling vacuums.

Forget 'Adventures in Babysitting' call this 'Adventures in Calling the Cops!'A few times I've had to call the police, I hate doing that.. cuz I'm not a fan of confrontation.. but when it has to be done, it has to be done. Like the night where there was a bunch of drunken' little bastards who were making soo much noise and breaking shit. They scared me a little. Or the cheap mofo that would sit in the parking lot every day.. we all thought that he was going to abduct someone.. but it turns out he was just a big computer geek, and was sitting out there to steal our wireless internet.

-> To all the idiots.. sorry people.. that can't for the life of them figure out how to work the toaster, or the juice machine. It's ok, we can't all be blessed with a brain. I'm sure someone still loves you ;)

I have to put this in here, just because it's THE GREATEST SENTENCE YOU WILL EVER HEAR!: "I'm just going to stand here, and let this honey drip on my muffin." Great times during one of my training nights.. I hate training newbies.. but this was a good night haha. I don't want to give out to much info on this one.. make ya think a little ;)
*Sounds dirrrty doesn't it! It's soo not! But that's what makes it so brilliant!

***Wow! That's one loong mofo!!***

Y'all know you wannt come stay here so you can be part of the excitement! We're located at.. KIDDING! If you're lucky you'll have the pleasure of stumbling upon this jewel of a hotel all on your own!

Ciao!
-Ash